The double-edged sword of mindfulness

 

The classic perception of mindfulness is as a relaxing and grounding way of finding our centre and bringing greater attention to our sense of being. It is generally pursued through a variety of meditation approaches, most of which are usually experienced in short order as being quite other than relaxing or grounding. Meditation mats and cushions largely end up in a cupboard, Reiki CD’s in the attic and occasional yoga classes recede into distant memory like the flexibility of youth.

Ironically, people engage in mindfulness more often than they are aware. The main way that people engage in mindfulness is not even meditation. Mindfulness is most often experienced when beginning to learn something. Those first few steps of feeling off balance, falling out of ones’ comfort zone and into an array of confusing new information can turn up the volume and brightness on the world around them. Sometimes overwhelmingly. As a temporary member of the Consciously Incompetent we face our greatest challenge. The challenge to our own sense of self both internally and socially.

In fact, the whole experience is often compounded by the social element; as if the volume and brightness of our discomfort were not already turned up high enough. We unavoidably see our maladaptation multiplied in the eyes others around us. As adults, we must run the gauntlet of potentially being stigmatised, classified as unfit for certain levels of social sign off and approval if we fail in public. Yet at no other time are we so exquisitely attuned to learning. Our senses are never so keen or our processing powers as super-charged as when we are immersed in a learning rich environment. And a learning environment is grounded in failure and crowned on reflection with layers of consolidation and emergent capabilities. Put simply we cannot learn deeply and meaningfully without making mistakes and mistakes, as adults, are socially taboo.

However, it is the deep power of this newly unresolved and confused sense of reality that can help us to open up our mental models and make room for new data. The practice of meditation or mindfulness for most of us can be an exercise in self-torture as it is a pure pathway to heightening our awareness. Anything going on in our psyche at that moment in time will immediately become brighter, louder and generally enhanced in every way possible. Mindfulness therefore is one of the last things a troubled mind should look to for escapism, but entirely the way forward for engaging meaningfully and purposefully with life. No discomfort = no gain.

Therefore the double edged sword of mindfulness is that, as it cuts new ground ahead for us, it also cuts us open in the process. If we are not prepared to be open we will resist most of the new and strange information and experiences that want to rush in and become a part of us. My argument therefore is that the stuff deep inside us, that mindfulness raises so powerfully to the surface, is best dealt with through active learning and using the entirety of our being. It needs a purpose, in order for it to become repurposed within the context of our ongoing personal development. And personal development should always be ongoing.

In particular it is in the processing of our demons through creative endeavours that we knit ourselves larger and more encompassing, such that we are increasingly less frightened by our own shadows. These shadows can be reduced as our attention and our being grow and occupy the dark spaces, and it is from these dark spaces that we draw energy and insight for where we can go and who we can grow into being next. It is in this newly grounded and open space, with all of our demons put to work, that we can luxuriate into the quality of being we generally associate with meditation or mindfulness. As our attention begins to know no reason to flinch back from foreign boundaries our sense of self can know its true radius and in doing so find that there is truly no boundary.

Advertisements

Triggers Broom & My Aikido (reflections on learning and unlearning)

 

Triggers Broom & My Aikido

 

I was recently reminded of a wonderful scene in the TV show Only Fools and Horses. The scene in mind featured the character called Trigger talking about getting an award for having the same broom for 20 years. For those who don’t know the scene this is what happens:

Trigger, Del, Rodders, Sid and Boycie chatting in Sid’s cafe.

Trigger has just been presented with an award for saving the council money.

Trigger: “And that’s what I’ve done. Maintained it for 20 years. This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time.”

Sid: “How the hell can it be the same bloody broom then?”

Trigger: “There’s the picture. What more proof do you need?” (Trigger proudly shows a photo of his broom to the others).

Whilst this is clearly a gag that derives its humour from the deadpan straight guy persona of Trigger. He clearly identifies so closely with the ‘idea’ of his broom that he doesn’t get that with all the changes he has made to it, it has long since ceased to be the same broom.

Something about this stuck in my mind. It reminded me of what continuous learning feels like. The constant making and unmaking of mind and body over time. Generally experienced as a sense of being continually crap at what you do, triggered by criticism from a mentor or senior, or our own internal voice.

In Aikido, every stage of the way from white belt to black belt is a lot like the process of sketching with a pencil; you start with the broader outlines then work towards finding greater accuracy and a clearer representation of the thing you are working on. It’s all still Aikido and it’s all still you, but with every iteration subtle adjustments are made and newer versions of both you and your Aikido emerge.

Even at the point of achieving a black belt in Aikido the mountain that had been ascended turned out to be a hill with several higher peaks ahead. A year and a bit since my own 1st Dan grading and I am only now starting to get comfortable with being a continually corrected and changing being. I count this as the most tangible and valuable achievement on my Aikido journey to date.

In the areas of my life in business and when training others in the working environment this piece of awareness has really helped. I have had a greater appreciation for how other people experience feedback and why the learning experience is tough at times for everyone.

The main thing is that whilst the broom is always changing, it survives the changes refreshed and ready for the tasks ahead. The key difference for us is that, with every unmaking we are remade with greater potential for mastery and self-knowledge than ever before.

The take away then is that we should be content with the ‘idea’ of our best version of ourselves as being the thing that is continuous even as we let go of our old sketches of our previous selves. Becoming less defensive, and in doing so becoming more open to becoming the very best version of ourselves that we can. At whatever stage of the journey we are at along the way.

About having a Boss

The Boss.jpg

The other day one of my friends was chatting about something that happened in their workplace. They said something that really jarred in my mind. “My boss was unhappy with our presentation, he didn’t say much but I think I know what we need to fix”. I sat for a moment and tried to work out what was off about what I had just heard. I tried the words on for size and found myself unable to process the word Boss. Which I found interesting. Thinking about the connotations of the word ‘Boss’ it always puts others who are not ‘The Boss’ in a lesser category. This didn’t sit well with me at all. I tried to remember a time when I had ever called anyone my Boss. I failed completely. I have definitely used the term ‘my Manager’ way back when working in a Pub, or in various retail jobs.

As I progressed within the Telecoms universe I would refer to senior people by their titles i.e. our Sales Director or our MD. But never, ever, my Boss. On reflection, I have not been promoted ahead in life by others that often. I have almost always had to create the next step or role for myself. This is probably due to my not supporting someone else’s career advances by sacrificing my own – therefore rendering me useless to certain types of senior managers. Sadly, there are people who love to dine off of the ideas of others, rather than highlighting where they came from. I’ve found that in the entrepreneurial world, if you can make someone else a lot of money and find the right footing to negotiate your reward pathway, then you can still be a bit of a maverick and enjoy progress with support from those ahead of you.

This still doesn’t get to the root of what I think is wrong with the term ‘Boss’. The word just smacks of having seriously passed its sell by date and should have expired already. It pretty much serves a single purpose, to evoke a sense of fear of those that are ‘above’ in those that are ‘below’. It is totally counter-productive of course, as whenever a business environment is run based on fear the employees always do the minimum to keep themselves safe. A ‘Boss’ environment is generally full of arse covering exercises and ends up being a political nightmare; a tremendous waste of energy, human intelligence and creativity.

Whilst someone thinks of you as their Boss, I guarantee you that they are not playing full out, embodying their best version of themselves or giving you the valuable feedback you need to run a successful business. Whilst you use the word Boss yourself, as way of referring to a senior person, you are far more likely to keep your head below the parapet than you think. Keeping your head down only serves one purpose in business – it keeps you down. Perhaps try changing the word Boss to ‘Steve’, or whatever the Senior managers name is?

I have lots of people who are senior to me in their areas of speciality, and better at most of the things I do than I am. And I am intensely grateful to have these people around me. When I refer to them I do not call them ‘Boss’. I just use their name. But I use it with the sincere intention to pay meaningful attention to them and what they have to say. Then, I move on and continue the endless task of being my own Boss; as I have always done whether I owned my own business or not.

Yours faithfully

A. Colleague

Tuppence worth specialist

More Than > The Empowerment Mindset

picMore

One of the classic problems that most people struggle with is that they experience bumps in the road or difficulties in general as being unnecessary or unfair. When we were children so much of the world was handled for us by our primary care-givers, parents etc. At some point in our later teens/early adulthood we went through a time where the bumps that our parents smoothed over now gave us stubbed toes, headaches or even anxiety when we failed to adjust to these changes.

Growing up and growing out of smaller sized clothes as children and teenagers can be a template for the ongoing development of our minds as adults. As we grew larger or taller as children we accepted the feedback and moved to new clothes that would include more of our bodies; failure to do this meant wearing very tight clothes, restricted movement and teasing by our peers.

As adults, our ongoing development is no longer delivered automatically from the inside. Instead we have a choice. We either choose to grow through ongoing acceptance and utilisation of feedback, or we opt to find a level at which to maintain our sense of self, seeking a kind of stability focused more on investing in a ‘steady-normal’ state than a learning one. The steady normal state creates a comfort zone, but ironically it leads us to invest even more energy on not learning anything new.

And comfort zones without ongoing learning always get smaller and smaller, limiting what is possible; painting ourselves into a corner. One reason for not learning anything new is that learning always leads us to change what we believe. If we change our beliefs we are setting ourselves up to change who we are. Most people have invested a lot of energy in being who they are as it is how they have always known how to be safe in the world, how to belong, how to manage their memories, experiences, emotions and relationships with others.

It’s not surprising then that when we have an experience that challenges our sense of identity that we sometimes push back, resist and for some they feel the need to fight it. One thing that is always true when we accept the challenges, bumps, tough feedback as learning experiences is that we become more than both the person we were before the difficult experience and more than the difficult experience itself.

What we become is both what we were and what we learn from the experience. We become whatever we are prepared to receive from the learning experience i.e. resilient, adaptive, confident, capable, stable, flexible and invariably: smarter and wiser. My argument here is that whoever of whatever you think you are right now you are also a part of a much bigger jigsaw puzzle; the awesome and magnificent life that we have been given.

Every new experience is therefore both an opportunity to add new pieces to our existing picture of reality, and also to be included into a much bigger one. And in every moment, by engaging in life in this way, we are always becoming:

More Than.

 

Why the current post-truth era is really a return to pre-truth times

images.jpg

The current trend for blitzing populations with a confusion of facts and ‘alternative’ fictions through the media has led some to call our current times the ‘post-truth’ era. The sales of George Orwell’s dystopian novel 1984 have sky rocketed as the intelligentsia on the left and the right struggle to look for insights into how we have come to this place. A rather grey landscape with sporadic media fireworks where we seem to have moved beyond the truth having any meaningful currency. A place where evidence and rationality are merely optional to the masses who feel left behind and betrayed by the political elite. Leaving them exposed to authoritarian leadership due to its promise of bringing immediate and ‘common sense’ change.

It really doesn’t matter if Donald Trump is caught lying as lies are no longer the benchmark to the masses for either proving or discrediting someone’s political stance on public matters. Both sides of the political divide have been smeared and the masses respond no longer to reason, but instead to the highest bidder. Trump is essentially the highest bidder in America so the masses backed him (the majority of the political elite i.e. the electoral college). The same happened in the UK with Brexit. The facts of EU membership didn’t matter to the 52% that voted to leave, what mattered was that only the leave campaign had any extra cash to offer i.e. £350 Million per week plus the cash patriotic Britain Firsters could pocket with fewer EU immigrants (also not a real deliverable with Brexit).

Again, the vote went to the highest bidder. Not to truth, not to facts and definitely not to Reason. We know this as neither of the highest bidders had any intention of paying up when they won their auction. The NHS will not be receiving any additional funding as per the Leave bus campaign, and the cost of managing the trade agreements on every level of contractual negotiation and implementation will overshadow any potential gains from Brexit for at least a decade if not two. Much to the roaring applause of the America Firsters who wanted ‘no brainer’ solutions to complex problems we now have an administration that treats all problems like a nail because it is only skilled in the use of a hammer.

In fact international business travel to the US has recently dropped by almost 4%, federal reserves look set to be spent on building a pointless wall to prevent the flow of mexican immigrants that mostly fly into the US anyway, and there’s been several attempts to take all restraints off the banks that were put in place post the 2008 crisis and subsequent bailouts. Trump has actually already signed enough ultra right-wing executive orders to take America back in time to a place where a civil war was the eventual answer to such a vast political divide. All whilst restarting a war on women’s rights to have the final say about their own bodies through attempts to repeal long standing and hard won abortion legislation.

Trump has even set about installing a theocracy (trying to remove the barriers that prevent the church from funding political campaigns) which is set to cut out most of the gains that the masses have enjoyed from separating Church and State. The largest underlying problem here is that we have not been teaching critical thinking and logic as a standard, core subject in our schools at all ages. We have a couple of generations of voters that have no way of appreciating that their way of life is being undermined, and that it really can be limited to an extraordinary degree. People simply to do not realise that they are dealing with the last gasps of a level of development in mankind that valued the story of their people over the truths that have set them free since the age of the enlightenment.

Every inch of ground thrown into the light by the ubiquity of the products of the rational mind has made it almost impossible for pre-rational “because a book says so” beliefs to grow there. Whole communities based around pre-truth (truth that doesn’t stand up to rational inquiry and evidencing) have increasingly hunkered down inside their own private media, film makers, newspapers and economic circles. Ironically however the reason why we see so much shaming of Brexiters and Trumpers by the ‘left’ is that they lack the critical capability to show the working behind the thinking that has created the current progressive landscape.

Presented with what seems like obvious stupidity and faced with a frustrating inability to defend their world view millennials and ‘lefty’ liberals alike find themselves defending their beliefs so dogmatically it can make them look like fundamentalists. Making it very hard for the average bystander to see any clear moral high ground when calibrating from the emotional content alone, so they stick with what they identify with. Which is a tragedy as these beliefs are actually underpinned by a rationalism that unfolds beautifully if one takes the time to study it so that you can clearly show how being increasingly humanistic in our outlooks only serves to protect all of our interests.

The last 20 years of progress, largely accelerated by the rise the internet and the acceleration of communication, building on the back of globalisation have put the pre-truth communities under immense pressure. The rise in radicalisation amongst the Worlds religious traditions, both in Christianity and Islam most notably has come from the last fight to grasp a hold onto power.  A power that those who have a vested interest in will not consider conceding any further ground as they cannot accept becoming the change that they are seeing in the world. The battle we see before us in the USA right now is not therefore between the left and right, it is between pre-truth and the pursuit of truth itself.

It is not the case, in my view, that religions have no validity or rational voice. There are huge communities within the Worlds religious traditions that continue to pursue the truth above all else, through the vehicles of their particular transformational practices (as can be seen in Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism and Taoism to name just the major traditions). A real pursuit for truth cares only for what we uncover through direct experience that can be shared by all and that includes all of us.

This pursuit is a freedom above all others. Right now there is a battle for this freedom being fought by the last line of defence in the US – the legal system, which is the institutionalisation of rationalised beliefs for a way of life enshrined in the constitution. It is facing its first real attack from a US president since Nixon. If it fails and burns and a theocracy rises in its ashes then it won’t take long before the UK and Europe feels the heat.

The Day of the Zombie Executive

zombie-suit

Over the last 18 years of living in London I have watched people crossing the bridges across the Thames or shuffling into, through and out of tube stations in the mornings. If you take the time it is impossible not to notice the way many people not only drag their brief cases and laptop bags with them, they seem to drag their bodies along too. It’s like watching a bad B movie called ‘The day of the Zombie Executive’. People have picked up the habit of living in their heads and forcing their bodies to comply, treating their physical selves like their car; you drive it like an extension of yourself, have it serviced occasionally but have absolutely no idea how it works let alone have a clue how to maintain it or fix it.

The main reason for this is virtually nothing most business people are required to do on a daily basis asks very much of the body – we even avoid stairs in favour of escalators and lifts. We spend most of our days sitting down, using mostly our finger tips to make a living. Utterly disconnected from the vital yet silent majority of ourselves. The sad fact is that most people only hear what the body has to say when they take a holiday and then it’s quite common for it to tell you how badly you have ignored it and how unhappy it is. Before I took up Aikido just over six years ago I had been doing the sporadic gym session here and there and some running in the mornings. I even took lessons in the Alexander Technique to try and get my body to behave how I wanted it to

All of those things were fine but they didn’t have a purpose, discipline or a set of benchmarks to be tested against. Mostly they just perpetuated the problem of treating the body like a rented car and not a valued loved one and the only home most of us will ever own mortgage free. I would of course experience periods of improvement, better wellbeing etc but then always a slip back into being a business-mind dragging a body around with me. Gravity consistently winning the battle until, at the end of each day, I would crumple into bed and have less than enough sleep to face another day without my body fully on my side.

Six years later I found myself in Japan doing an intensive 16 day training program with a possible black belt grading ahead of me. I had to maintain my body and fix it in order to make it to the next days’ training sessions, let alone those scheduled for the following week. After about four days I found myself moving with my body and not ‘dragging’ it. My body started to regularly give me more than I could have asked for. It got me up in the morning and told me what it needed in order to be sustained, really clearly. It prompted me to stretch and to practice when not in the dojo. I found it easier to manage more than one thing at a time in my life than ever before, as I did not experience a conflict or dissonance between them.

I also just stopped focusing on a bunch of stuff that isn’t really important, like what people might be thinking about me. Believe it or not I actually took up Aikido to get this from it and had seen glimmers of it along the way. Do I think you have to take up a martial art for 6 years then travel to the other side of the planet to immerse yourself in a full time training program and be tested at the end in order to get this? Essentially no. I have however learned some things that I strongly advocate – here are 5 of them that I think could be very helpful if this article has connected with you.

  1. Take up a practice in a martial art or some kind of physical endeavour that requires you to use both your mind and your body, and that can be pursued weekly over the course of your life; even into old age.
  2. Choose an activity that has both a program of measuring your development by an instructor but also agree with yourself why you are doing it and have one of those reasons to become a better person (I.e. fewer of your decisions are influence by fear).
  3. Check in with yourself regularly and contrast how your relationship with your body is changing and if your relationships with others are being affected in any way, good or bad.
  4. When you experience positive changes along the way look at how they can be of benefit to others and spend time applying what you are learning in the working and home environments. This can serve to further integrate developments in the body and yourself as a whole in the training space and with who you are becoming in other areas of your life.
  5. Enjoy the new developments and insights when they come whilst also taking the plateaus as a reassuring investment into the quality of your future life and the lives of those closest to you. This kind of ongoing personal development cannot fail to improve the quality of your own life without having positive effects on everyone around you.

Black Belt NLP

blackbelt

Firing on all neurological levels..

In my end note to the 50th Edition of Rapport Magazine entitled ‘Plan to surprise yourself’ I had one goal still outstanding from my 5 year plan. This was to attain my Black Belt in Shodokan Aikido. 2016 started with a few low points, some of which affected my regular training in Aikido. Work and family commitments increasingly conflicted with training. Catching up the missed hours so that I could join my peers at the July Black Belt Grading in Edinburgh became impossible.

A number of factors started to bubble to the surface. Questions about my environment, motivation, identity and purpose. Just about everything in our family’s little world was changing. With our daughter about to go to school in a different part of London we needed to move house, prepare for the new school and secure a new nanny for afternoon pick-ups (to name but a few). Two new businesses I had been developing for a while were starting to move from embryonic to needing bank accounts, trading agreements and staff. My Telecommunications business (NSN) was still growing and, although my business partner in his new role as MD largely managed the business, there was still plenty there to occupy my time (including NSN winning a national sales and marketing award!).

My Coaching Company Brighter Lives, which represents my long term purpose, had just taken on corporate clients for the first time and was also testing my time management and prioritisation. So how important really was this Black Belt? Why couldn’t I just accept that it might not happen until 2017? One answer was that so much of my new coaching methodology (Neuro-Somatic Coaching) that I have been developing from my Masters Degree in Applied Coaching focuses on the body, movement, proprioception and reducing fear in the body and raising conscious choice.

The Black Belt would give me the ability to create a space in which to experiment and continue my coaching research. Without it my research would suffer; and so would my mission and purpose. Admittedly my sense of identity struggled with this. Mid-May I set up a dojo space for an Instructor to support them in exchange for Black Belt coaching. They backed out from active Instruction at the last minute due to financial issues. Left with a two month commitment to the owner of the training studios, and no extra Black Belt training I asked a senior training colleague to be my co-instructor. I was nicely surprised when not only did she agree but my reasons for doing it going forward as a space for experimentation and development worked for her too.

One evening mid-April I reviewed my options, priorities and core drivers and came to the conclusion that I had to go to Japan and train daily towards grading. If I was to still meet or even beat the July deadline I would have to seriously play full out, modelling fiercely on all the excellence I could find and put myself out there without guarantee of being offered a grading. Gathering my resources, the support of family, friends and reaching out well beyond my comfort zone saw me landing at Osaka airport on May 29th at 10am in the morning. I was welcomed by my mentor Michael Mccavish, a 6th Dan Instructor in Osaka who had become a friend during my 6 years in Aikido.

I was on the mat in the Shodokan HQ at 12pm for private tuition with him, followed by a class lesson. I did approx. 50hrs of training, closing in on my return date, when during a private lesson kindly given by Nariyama Shihan suddenly the word ‘Shinsa’ (examination) was announced. An hour later he was congratulating me on attaining my Shodan (1st Degree Black Belt). At every stage of the journey I drew on my NLP training, leaning heavily on the Neurological Levels laid out by Robert Dilts, Values work from Tad James, my own developing work on Authoring the Self by awakening the body and aligning deep drives with conscious purpose.

I don’t think it is a gross exaggeration to call this application of NLP methodologies and principles – Black Belt NLP.